| I feel not exactly like myself. It almost feels like a realization has
settled in. It is really time for me to get into a relationship. As
weird as that sounds, the way I see it in my head is that I need my
first REAL relationship. I've never been on a first date. And
throughout my life, I have felt nothing but heartbreak. It hurts
finding out that basically, I have been used by every guy I have been
interested in. Like...realizing this makes me in a way want to cry. It
feels like there is a gap inside of me. I leave next week, to this big
scary new place, full of new experiences, and new pressures and I
honestly don't know if I'm ready for it. I'm just seriously beginning
to feel emo...and I should feel excited, but it's hard when my
self-esteem is slowly plummiting....oh....life.
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| Okay...gotta think of things to get. Then gotta think of how I'm gonna
pack everything up. What else do I need?...ugh, im sleepy.
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| Today has been such an incredibly COOL DAY!!!!!!!! Between major blasts
from the past and new friends.....life is indeed very good!
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| Im so confused! I dont know what to do.....weighing the scales......acting and then possibly regretting.....i just dont know.
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| I always seem to want what I can't have.
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